Monday, July 29, 2019

Training Camp Has Begun/ Eddie Murphy Jerry Seinfeld

Training camp has begun in earnest in the NFL. Of course your team is poised to win the superbowl (Patriots prolly) or play for the Superbowl (Saints/Eagles/Rams) but mine is getting a lot of Superbowl jive talk coming mainly because we have the youngest and most talentedly young team full of vim and vigor.

Or as you call them, The Browns. Lately, there are all sorts of Browns podcasts that I have noticed. I really enjoy the wacky antics of our foreign correspondent Paul Brown. His partner Jack Duffin who is intensely focused on Cap  spend is a good listen as well. They seem to get all sorts of guests and the YouTube videos are hilarious.
https://mobile.twitter.com/paulbrown_uk

It's strange seeing the Browns be portrayed as anything but horrible but we are used to our teams, aside from the Browns being pretty good and even star studded thanks to LeBron and the Buckeyes and occasionally the Indians who will probably not be able to afford some of their stars soon (Lindor).

Twitter has you covered on all things your-team.

Something interesting I saw the last night was Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld driving and talking and drinking coffee. I loved it. It is such an easy format for them to casually talk about whatever and I could tell that Jerry absolutely loved it. I had no idea they started out around the same time in the same club in New York and both made it. They went for coffee then hung out at an Improv and drove some more.

I'd recommend over any other Seinfeld Cars show. Looks like Eddie wants to do standup again and this is like the prelude to that with a 70million dollar Netflix contract being thrown around. He had a few good stories about Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Baby.. Knock me a Kiss

https://youtu.be/xQCK_a6pN20

Anyway. Just had that rando thought.

I hear there are like 2 weeks till rookies report to training camp.

Carry on Son.

Or, my lady.

Disregard those gibbering posts.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

She lied

Everybody fell asleep.

Where are the sports?

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Riki Tiki Tavi Mongoose us Gone


Raw talk:






[7/10, 9:26 PM] Chick Harley: Think too hard about something it never happens. Need creative way to fuck money in ass
[7/10, 9:26 PM] Dali: That sounds like a white man preaching to gypsys
[7/10, 9:27 PM] Chick Harley: Nothing magical. Just belief
[7/10, 9:27 PM] Dali: Jew gypsy
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Dali: I m expecting a war  so world would be free
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Chick Harley: When you have the bad acid mushroom coke trip it's the guy with the good attitude and confidence that brings everyone back from the dead
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Dal: Anarchy will bring freedom
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Chick Harley: I am an anarchist
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Dal: Yes you are
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Chick Harley: Also great Sex Pistols song
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: J is putting L to bed then we can have sex
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: D is ANALchist
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: But she lies because she will fall asleep with him
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: Rudely
[7/10, 9:30 PM]  Dal: Hahahha
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: Dont you have a game plan
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: Like. Plan b c d?
[7/10, 9:32 PM] Chick Harley: Ok. I just said you fall asleep in there I am drinking your wine.
[7/10, 9:33 PM] Chick Harley: She came out. Then says "alright.  I'm taking a shower and then you're fucking me, alright?"
[7/10, 9:33 PM] Chick Harley: She's so romantic. Ever heard of blowjobs lady?

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Exciting Match Today!

At another No Bo (North Boynton) establishment today folks for another (a)rousing World Cup Women's 2019 semi-final. Not wearing my distance specs so my view on the low-fi large screen is obscured as to fine detail. I just know I love them.

My fellow patrons are a much more sparse crew but motley just the same. 5 out of 6 athe large bar are male and 60ish.

It's a fun bunch but they're not here for the futbol.

Yesterday we enjoyed a version of tostados. Today it's wings and stromboli bites?

I guess.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Women's World Cup

Bars across America and England are packed right now. In Boynton Beach, Florida it is not the same as in Delray Beach, Florida.

Your humble narrator finds himself alone, distanced from the bar at a local chain on the north edge of town. The place was renovated recently but not the faces or the abdomens of most of my fellow soccer enthusiasts. This is where you go for central casting of Boynton.

There is a man in the opposite corner of me at the bar with orangish hair enjoying dioping his olive into his gimlet, I assume. He's a little bit of a gayish Chris Farley. Classic. Next to camo hat guy, next to NY Giants hat guy next to a pair that look to have literally just walked off the set of Walking Dead. An actual living zombie couple. Her mouth is sucked in and her eyes appear to be drawing fluid in from the rest of her body. Scraggly hair. Sunglasses adorning the top of her head. Her man has a mini mullet and unlike her actual green tinge he is touched by some Boynton sunburn.

It continues on around. 25 percent of the bar is female and their average weight is 30 pounds too many.

Anyway, anyway, anyway.

The bartendress, faithful reader, she's the redeeming quality of this corner of dislocated Mars from Total Recall. Hardworking brunette with a wisp across her forehead. Apple cheekbones. Skinny and works back there like a single mom on the hustle and as we pan to the right it opens up to a more normal view save the old old guy in the shorts at the bar and his old school wide brim hat of wool.

Speaking of wool. There was an apparition before me. The hairpiece so intensely dumbfounding and twisted I wasn't sure if he was real. Button down, gray slacks and somewhere between 70 and 275 years of age. Shark colored mange that somehow went every which way...

Cemtral casting Mars, but for 1 waitress and our upturned irish nose bartendress and what the hell? No goal for England?

The fallen.. just as I went to take a picture gay Farley... (not probably)


Oh shit.. Zombie wife... is... a... man



Monday, July 1, 2019

You gone away too, fat boy, fat boy, wait until tomorrow`

Dude.  If you're excited about NBA free agency, then... congratulations?

E.O.S. End of Story.

There are like 4 guys that matter in the NBA?  Ok.

Better think about that for 4 seconds.



You do drugs Danny?

Yeah.

So, what's the problem?



If I need to tell you what that's from then I'm initiating you to the OLD CLUB.  You're welcome (Caddyshack).

I'm like level 6 Carl Spackler,  I make shit like this up all the time.  Usually my kids, my uncles, my brothers, my family.  And after 3 drinks, anyone I know.  Maybe I'm a level or 2 up but never really on demand.  My dream is to do this for real but since you were asking--- it's the Dalai Lama speech:

..

It appears Kareem Hunt needs a full-time nanny since he can't get along with his own friends at a bar, supposedly.  Smartly, Cleveland (Browns Fans) Police were heard audibly saying "I saw him push you".  Which. Honestly, I'm proud of.  Communities need to learn how to be less divisive in this current INSTAGRAM-CLIMATE of hooray for me and effffff everyone else. Just being honest.

In fact, what I heard is that Kareem was out having ice cream, not even drinking, he just wanted to go somewhere with his cousin after dinner and they were just 'funnin" around and because they're just such big dudes people had no idea they were just talking about raasslin!

It happens among friends all the time in Ohio.  It's a gregarious state full of people still pent up with enthusiasm since the weather just finally broke for the springtime and summer.

Local professor, Dr. Phil Freely, who has written countless journal articles and books on the subject commented, "It's quite natural for Ohio males to engage in physical conduct early on in the summer or springtime having been indoors for great amounts of time.  It's a biological phenomenon that goes back ages in our region and is actually, incredibly normal!  We have been studying this for decades as it relates to our immigration patterns and seasonality.  It's all pretty normal behavior but we are fascinated by it and want to understand it better so we're attempting to quantify how it has made us such a unique subculture, and how it even played a part in saving the United States during the Civil War since so many from our region were actually on both sides of that divide.  We'll probably never get to the bottom of it, but like I said, it's fascinating. What are you, surprised, guys get a little loud in a bar?"

With that under consideration, it seems illogical any sort of formal conclusion will be made regarding the Hunt situation.  Move along folks.