Training Camp Has Begun/ Eddie Murphy Jerry Seinfeld

Training camp has begun in earnest in the NFL. Of course your team is poised to win the superbowl (Patriots prolly) or play for the Superbowl (Saints/Eagles/Rams) but mine is getting a lot of Superbowl jive talk coming mainly because we have the youngest and most talentedly young team full of vim and vigor.

Or as you call them, The Browns. Lately, there are all sorts of Browns podcasts that I have noticed. I really enjoy the wacky antics of our foreign correspondent Paul Brown. His partner Jack Duffin who is intensely focused on Cap  spend is a good listen as well. They seem to get all sorts of guests and the YouTube videos are hilarious.
https://mobile.twitter.com/paulbrown_uk

It's strange seeing the Browns be portrayed as anything but horrible but we are used to our teams, aside from the Browns being pretty good and even star studded thanks to LeBron and the Buckeyes and occasionally the Indians who will probably not be able to afford some of their stars soon (Lindor).

Twitter has you covered on all things your-team.

Something interesting I saw the last night was Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld driving and talking and drinking coffee. I loved it. It is such an easy format for them to casually talk about whatever and I could tell that Jerry absolutely loved it. I had no idea they started out around the same time in the same club in New York and both made it. They went for coffee then hung out at an Improv and drove some more.

I'd recommend over any other Seinfeld Cars show. Looks like Eddie wants to do standup again and this is like the prelude to that with a 70million dollar Netflix contract being thrown around. He had a few good stories about Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson.

Mishmash and Jargon for Dorks

What if chicks were as into guys' bodies as unabashedly as men seem to lurk and linger over women with no known personality traits.  A girl posts some sexy pictures on instagram and the next thing you know she has millions of likes and still no personality but I'm supposed to believe that will be overlooked for infinity?  Yeah, I guess so.  Imagine if Hollywoodtuna.com had dudes instead of women linkage?

Yeah, probably wouldn't work. 

But as a genxer I am pretty embarrassed to watch them all wiggle around (especially, in front of anyone).  More men probably go look at men posting muscles and stuff anyway.  It's all silly.


Anyway, we have sports to entertain us the whole year.

There are tons of sports people to goad athletes into saying the dumbest things.

PFT leads in with some player saying his team is like the ex-girlfriend that broke up with you???

I guess we can't expect Sartre and existentialism relating to sports.

Teddy Ginn didn't race in the race he thought up.  The rumor that is whirling is that Ted Sr. wasn't all that pleased with his son risking 2.5 million and injuring himself.  I guess when he eventually retires he can go for it but did anybody even know about this $39.95 pay per view event?


Did you see that ludicrous display last night???

There needs to be an actual site that can help people bluff their way to normalcy when it comes to sports full-on with jargon and pronunciation guides.

Hey, wha tha faaa

After 8 years in retirement, why not a sudden burst in stupidity?

There was this Dutch guy that played soccer who supposedly danced and peed on a car in Utrecht.

Who hasn't done that? If you've ever been to Utrecht there's not much happening besides getting stoned to the bejeezus, drunk and dancing on old people's cars.  Been there.  Done that.  Who knew that all you have to do in Holland is send flowers when you damage someone's personal property?

Wesley Shneiegaefgaerf something

Profootballtalk.com reports Cam Newton will not be throwing like Uncle Rico any more.

Uhmm. You don't fix your throwing motion.  It's not a golf swing.  When you swing a golf club you have all day to think about it before you go ahead and do it.  When you're playing QB you have 1.7 seconds to not think about your THROWING MOTION!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry. The only way that enormous windup gets fixed is if he practices morning, noon and night under duress and nobody every does that.  Now. He could go down to Home Depot right around the corner here and pick up a pickup truck full of migrant laborers right here in South Florida and instead of having them dig, paint, plant, hammer, have a bunch of pygmy men from the Amazon region try and get a hand in his face.  That would be 7 million Youtube.com hits right there.  That is #genius.


Eli Manning is hilarious.

Says, Giants will be better without Odell.  Sort of reminds my of my really bizarre and insane childhood in some Ohio backwaters where I'm sure my grandparents had a few neighbor kids that were not permitted to leave their yard or their rope swing and one of them was really just... off. Insane.  That one was Eli. Go ahead. GO to the link and watch grown men talk about men in tights that wear helmets on their heads.

Let me glean some intense meathead comments from their comments section:

Oh yeah.. The Giants fans are in full throat:

"They won 4 straight without him. Brady wins with no one...."

Really? Gronk and Julien suck? I'm pretty sure Showtime just ran a Julien documentary where they really focused on how amazing he is.  Remember, boys and girls. White guys at any skill position other than QB are "overachievers".  It's that reverse-racism thing, where it's okay to be a racist as long as it's against WHITEY! (damn, I just hurt my own feelings! There will be no alcohol in this house being drunk for a penalty of.... 1 minute)

Here's a good one.. .just stop reading after the first sanctimonious sentence:

"THE LOCKER ROOM IS VERY IMPORTANT."  Done. Can't read any more than that.  Who writes a novel in a post and start so shrilly.

Here's a well-reasoned and brief reply by Exley12
"I don’t think Barkley is going to have as good of stats without the outside threat of Odell"

Seems like logic...

Anyway, why go on? Comments all suck us in because they bring out our emotional pigments in varying degrees, don't they?

(who the faa? emotional pigmentation? is that a thing? (it is now) (faaa)) I'm pent up from my language side and have been holding it in like a virgin Madonna far too long, I'm 5 minutes into this post...


PFT is a wealth of crazy headlines as RG3 says Ravens Offense will Shock some People!!! What would shock me is RG3 having any relevance to any discussion whatsoever.  (it is the slow summer news cycle).  Poor Chris Simms doesn't seem bought in as I watch him search for words with his top button buttoned and no tie on. WTF? I don't get that but people I love do it, so go on feeling choked by a really weak midget (credit: Mitch Hedberg)

Time out for Alcohol..... (DRINK)

Wow, it's amazing how your ear gets cleared out when you take a drink and it was a little clogged full of some shit.  I Take saunas and steams all the time.  So bad that my ears are so fucked.   I had about 3 or 4 ear infections and it was from really just not rinsing out so well after my many years of steaming and saunas.  The curse is I'm probably going to die soon and the blessing is I'm 20 pounds lighter than I would be without that lazy exercise in sweat.  The real blessing would be death because of a 2 million dollar life insurance policy but we all know about the suicide clause so you gotta roll under a bridge with a TV crew behind you at about 80 like Aubrey McClendon for them to collect.  That dude had balls.

I used to make up fake news in sports but these days You can't make most of this shit up.  Ricky Williams was the best.  Just a treasure trove of solid excuse making I could make for him.  I mean there's Josh Gordon now but you have to sink to 3rd grade logic to begin to explain away his constant ability to self-sabotage.  I mean, I'm pretty sure my 3 year old follows instructions with more vigor and less need for adderall.

Beer