Notre Dame will shortly be hiring a new football coach and if we've learned anything they need to be hiring a new man recently turned loose from the state hospital because no one else will want the job. In addition to being helpful in pulling the laundry around campus the new coach will exhibit a new, less smug demeanor. Being a humble killer who grew up confined to sleeping on the dirt floor in the shed, mostly staring at the ground the coach will have that natural instinct to be able to focus singularly on BCS bowls rather than at least nominal goals of winning a conference (Notre Dame believes it's football program doesn't need to concern itself with beating the same teams every year- other than USC, Michigan, Michigan State, Purdue, and Boston College).
"You need to think good thoughts while you still a boy!" will be his recruiting pitch when he's gone into Compton or Cincinnati or Akron or Dade County or the Everglades or the ghettos of Minnesota.
What's best is that after the media or Lane Kiffin says he's "nice, in a retard kind of way," the new coach will take a Sling Blade (Some people call it a Sling Blade, I call it a Kaiser Blade) and kill those bastards. And all that will happen is he'll get enjoined back up on the hill at the state hospital with his fill of french fried potaters.
