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Strange Pickings

This is so weird to see: Oklahoma State favored by 7.5 over Oklahoma, in Norman. The over/under is also precariously perched at 48. These guys are smarter than me though, so I'd have to pick against my natural inclination if I were forced to pick at all and pick OSU and the under- even though it is thought OSU's QB isn't even playing.

Florida State getting 25 against the Gators? I know the Gators D is good and FSU lost Ponder but it is a rivalry game... ohh Bobby- has he ever been a 25 point dog to the Gators?

Meet the New Boss

Notre Dame will shortly be hiring a new football coach and if we've learned anything they need to be hiring a new man recently turned loose from the state hospital because no one else will want the job. In addition to being helpful in pulling the laundry around campus the new coach will exhibit a new, less smug demeanor. Being a humble killer who grew up confined to sleeping on the dirt floor in the shed, mostly staring at the ground the coach will have that natural instinct to be able to focus singularly on BCS bowls rather than at least nominal goals of winning a conference (Notre Dame believes it's football program doesn't need to concern itself with beating the same teams every year- other than USC, Michigan, Michigan State, Purdue, and Boston College).

"You need to think good thoughts while you still a boy!" will be his recruiting pitch when he's gone into Compton or Cincinnati or Akron or Dade County or the Everglades or the ghettos of Minnesota.

What's best is that after the media or Lane Kiffin says he's "nice, in a retard kind of way," the new coach will take a Sling Blade (Some people call it a Sling Blade, I call it a Kaiser Blade) and kill those bastards. And all that will happen is he'll get enjoined back up on the hill at the state hospital with his fill of french fried potaters.

The Dock Ellis LSD No-No (Hitter)

Just watch it. I cried laughing.

Frady Quinn is back

Per EMangini, Frady Quinn is back in the starting lineup without his 11million dollar P.T. bonus.

Why the Browns are newsworthy is only for the same reasons tragic accidents are.

I must drink now.

Pop Quiz Hot Shot: Who has More TDs?

Who's got more TDs? The Cleveland Pumpkin Patch or the New Orleans Saints' D? According to Mary Kay Cabot of the Cleveland Plain Dealer: Quinn was reminded that the Saints' defense has scored more touchdowns -- seven -- than the Browns' offense -- five.

Well, the Pumpkin Patch has decided to keep things real and mysterious at the same time. As if someone actually had to worry about it, the Pumpkin Patchers (Due to their helmets resembling said Melon and they are about as effective in capturing attention as Pumpkins) will not reveal, at least until tomorrow (Weds. Nov 11th, Veterans Day!) which dreadful quarterback they will lead out there.

What is worse? The QB that likes to get sacked (Quinn had 10 sacks in 2 1/2 games) or the one that prefers to throw the ball either in the dirt, to the other team, or whizzed entirely too hard from short distance so that it bounces off the receivers (Anderson only has had 9 sacks in more than twice as many games).

For anyone who has watched these teams play, the QBs have had time to throw and they just can't find the open receiver and/or the receivers are simply unable to create separation. Quinn was maddening as he felt it completely necessary to check down to the shortest route again and again and Anderson simply resembles "Wild Thing" before he got glasses in Major League or "Nuke" started getting some control of his penis in Bull Durham- the ball just goes whistling past everybody. You have to be on your toes if you expect to see The Pumpkin Patch offense because they're usually a quick 3-5 plays and then you see the MVP and possibly the only Cleveland Pro Bowl Selection Dave Zastadil head on the field for some booming ass punts.

Brandon Spikes? That's nothing.

You think what Brandon Spikes did was bad last week? Think about this legend: Jack Lambert. My dad always told me the story of how nasty Jack Lambert was. The story goes that the Kent State Golden Flashes of 1972, a great team coached by Don James with teammates like Nick Saban and Gary Pinkel that went to the Tangerine Bowl, had to practice in a gravel parking lot due to inclement weather. At said practice were pro scouts and it was their only time seeing Lambert in person. Unfortunately, for Lambert it was just a walkthru, but he wasn't going to be derailed in his efforts to impress scouts, so he impressed them with his intensity and insanity and he decided to take down a teammate in the gravel, and he destroyed the guy. But the moral of the story is that the scouts were impressed. Jack was later taken with the 46th pick in the draft.... he was the 9th linebacker taken... and the only one of that bunch in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Paterno is pretty funny

"Seems to me, coach, Tressel's trying to give you guys something to think about?"

"Seems to me? How do you begin a question that way? If you already got the answer why ask? Yeah, they did a good job with the onside kick, yeah, the kicker dribbled the ball down the middle of the field, yeah, Posey made a nice pass. We gotta play our game."

Hilarious, and, he proceeded to rip everyone who wanted to ask him speculative questions.

"You guys gotta ask those questions but we don't know who's going to have good field position."

Lerner has good weed

Just as I proposed, the Browns fans would be entertained by Randy Lerner and shown out the door with a tap on the butt. It was little more than face time with the money man who has plenty to spare, God Bless him, to try and build a winner.

The fans' ire is misplaced at best. What can a guy do? He's been listening to the fans and he's wrong for that. Pittsburgh can hire anyone to coach there. Why? Because they have an underlying program in place. There's no real infrastructure to the Browns organization. Who's running the scouting department and managing the internal database on every football player known to man with ratings systems that are as organized as say.. The Patriots. I guarantee you that their front office has a space-age rating system on every football player known to man. Duh- with constant turnover and no real scouting department the Browns have no one from whom to get that information. They must absolutely rely on outsourcing for this since there is NO INFRASTRUCTURE here.

Forget the fact that the play caller has not demonstrated acumen to suiting the plays to the skills of the players- that's secondary. This team is not as bad as its record indicates and a bold coach could identify this and produce better results on the field.

Accorsi to Cleveland is Wrong:

Reports of Cleveland Browns hiring Ernie Accorsi are false

According to Tony Grossi of Cleveland PD. Emphatic denial of association with the Browns by Accorsi. Sounds like a good way to keep your reputation clean.

Randy "Guitar" Lerner caving to the fans

According to the Akron Beacon Journal, the Browns have a couple of fans and they don't want to see Cribbs possibly score the Browns only points of the game during the Browns/Ravens showdown on Monday Night Football following the Browns bye week this weekend. Randy Lerner is going to give them an olive branch so that they can go back down Mt. Sinai and tell the rest of the fans that: "Hey, guys, Randy's got this really, really good weed. And, oh, he's going to hire like somebody else to hire and fire coaches and GMs and stuff and we should renew our season tickets and watch Cribbs possibly score the only points of the game for the Browns against the Ravens. Cool? We talked to him."

Forget the fact that one of these jokers is a "Sports Marketing" Marketer and probably doesn't mind the attention that he's getting for this self-inflicted farce. Lerner is showing them who is more shrewd. They will smoke his weed (be it metaphorical or real) and they will tell the townsfolk that "The King has good bud and is a smoker as well!"