Training camp has begun in earnest in the NFL. Of course your team is poised to win the superbowl (Patriots prolly) or play for the Superbowl (Saints/Eagles/Rams) but mine is getting a lot of Superbowl jive talk coming mainly because we have the youngest and most talentedly young team full of vim and vigor.
Or as you call them, The Browns. Lately, there are all sorts of Browns podcasts that I have noticed. I really enjoy the wacky antics of our foreign correspondent Paul Brown. His partner Jack Duffin who is intensely focused on Cap spend is a good listen as well. They seem to get all sorts of guests and the YouTube videos are hilarious.
https://mobile.twitter.com/paulbrown_uk
It's strange seeing the Browns be portrayed as anything but horrible but we are used to our teams, aside from the Browns being pretty good and even star studded thanks to LeBron and the Buckeyes and occasionally the Indians who will probably not be able to afford some of their stars soon (Lindor).
Twitter has you covered on all things your-team.
Something interesting I saw the last night was Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld driving and talking and drinking coffee. I loved it. It is such an easy format for them to casually talk about whatever and I could tell that Jerry absolutely loved it. I had no idea they started out around the same time in the same club in New York and both made it. They went for coffee then hung out at an Improv and drove some more.
I'd recommend over any other Seinfeld Cars show. Looks like Eddie wants to do standup again and this is like the prelude to that with a 70million dollar Netflix contract being thrown around. He had a few good stories about Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson.
Monday, July 29, 2019
Friday, July 12, 2019
Baby.. Knock me a Kiss
https://youtu.be/xQCK_a6pN20
Anyway. Just had that rando thought.
I hear there are like 2 weeks till rookies report to training camp.
Carry on Son.
Or, my lady.
Disregard those gibbering posts.
Anyway. Just had that rando thought.
I hear there are like 2 weeks till rookies report to training camp.
Carry on Son.
Or, my lady.
Disregard those gibbering posts.
Thursday, July 11, 2019
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Riki Tiki Tavi Mongoose us Gone
Raw talk:
[7/10, 9:26 PM] Chick Harley: Think too hard about something it never happens. Need creative way to fuck money in ass
[7/10, 9:26 PM] Dali: That sounds like a white man preaching to gypsys
[7/10, 9:27 PM] Chick Harley: Nothing magical. Just belief
[7/10, 9:27 PM] Dali: Jew gypsy
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Dali: I m expecting a war so world would be free
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Chick Harley: When you have the bad acid mushroom coke trip it's the guy with the good attitude and confidence that brings everyone back from the dead
[7/10, 9:28 PM] Dal: Anarchy will bring freedom
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Chick Harley: I am an anarchist
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Dal: Yes you are
[7/10, 9:29 PM] Chick Harley: Also great Sex Pistols song
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: J is putting L to bed then we can have sex
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: D is ANALchist
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: But she lies because she will fall asleep with him
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Chick Harley: Rudely
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: Hahahha
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: Dont you have a game plan
[7/10, 9:30 PM] Dal: Like. Plan b c d?
[7/10, 9:32 PM] Chick Harley: Ok. I just said you fall asleep in there I am drinking your wine.
[7/10, 9:33 PM] Chick Harley: She came out. Then says "alright. I'm taking a shower and then you're fucking me, alright?"
[7/10, 9:33 PM] Chick Harley: She's so romantic. Ever heard of blowjobs lady?
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Exciting Match Today!
At another No Bo (North Boynton) establishment today folks for another (a)rousing World Cup Women's 2019 semi-final. Not wearing my distance specs so my view on the low-fi large screen is obscured as to fine detail. I just know I love them.
My fellow patrons are a much more sparse crew but motley just the same. 5 out of 6 athe large bar are male and 60ish.
It's a fun bunch but they're not here for the futbol.
Yesterday we enjoyed a version of tostados. Today it's wings and stromboli bites?
I guess.
My fellow patrons are a much more sparse crew but motley just the same. 5 out of 6 athe large bar are male and 60ish.
It's a fun bunch but they're not here for the futbol.
I guess.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Women's World Cup
Bars across America and England are packed right now. In Boynton Beach, Florida it is not the same as in Delray Beach, Florida.
Your humble narrator finds himself alone, distanced from the bar at a local chain on the north edge of town. The place was renovated recently but not the faces or the abdomens of most of my fellow soccer enthusiasts. This is where you go for central casting of Boynton.
There is a man in the opposite corner of me at the bar with orangish hair enjoying dioping his olive into his gimlet, I assume. He's a little bit of a gayish Chris Farley. Classic. Next to camo hat guy, next to NY Giants hat guy next to a pair that look to have literally just walked off the set of Walking Dead. An actual living zombie couple. Her mouth is sucked in and her eyes appear to be drawing fluid in from the rest of her body. Scraggly hair. Sunglasses adorning the top of her head. Her man has a mini mullet and unlike her actual green tinge he is touched by some Boynton sunburn.
It continues on around. 25 percent of the bar is female and their average weight is 30 pounds too many.
Anyway, anyway, anyway.
The bartendress, faithful reader, she's the redeeming quality of this corner of dislocated Mars from Total Recall. Hardworking brunette with a wisp across her forehead. Apple cheekbones. Skinny and works back there like a single mom on the hustle and as we pan to the right it opens up to a more normal view save the old old guy in the shorts at the bar and his old school wide brim hat of wool.
Speaking of wool. There was an apparition before me. The hairpiece so intensely dumbfounding and twisted I wasn't sure if he was real. Button down, gray slacks and somewhere between 70 and 275 years of age. Shark colored mange that somehow went every which way...
Cemtral casting Mars, but for 1 waitress and our upturned irish nose bartendress and what the hell? No goal for England?
The fallen.. just as I went to take a picture gay Farley... (not probably)
Your humble narrator finds himself alone, distanced from the bar at a local chain on the north edge of town. The place was renovated recently but not the faces or the abdomens of most of my fellow soccer enthusiasts. This is where you go for central casting of Boynton.
There is a man in the opposite corner of me at the bar with orangish hair enjoying dioping his olive into his gimlet, I assume. He's a little bit of a gayish Chris Farley. Classic. Next to camo hat guy, next to NY Giants hat guy next to a pair that look to have literally just walked off the set of Walking Dead. An actual living zombie couple. Her mouth is sucked in and her eyes appear to be drawing fluid in from the rest of her body. Scraggly hair. Sunglasses adorning the top of her head. Her man has a mini mullet and unlike her actual green tinge he is touched by some Boynton sunburn.
It continues on around. 25 percent of the bar is female and their average weight is 30 pounds too many.
Anyway, anyway, anyway.
The bartendress, faithful reader, she's the redeeming quality of this corner of dislocated Mars from Total Recall. Hardworking brunette with a wisp across her forehead. Apple cheekbones. Skinny and works back there like a single mom on the hustle and as we pan to the right it opens up to a more normal view save the old old guy in the shorts at the bar and his old school wide brim hat of wool.
Speaking of wool. There was an apparition before me. The hairpiece so intensely dumbfounding and twisted I wasn't sure if he was real. Button down, gray slacks and somewhere between 70 and 275 years of age. Shark colored mange that somehow went every which way...
Cemtral casting Mars, but for 1 waitress and our upturned irish nose bartendress and what the hell? No goal for England?
The fallen.. just as I went to take a picture gay Farley... (not probably)
Oh shit.. Zombie wife... is... a... man
Monday, July 1, 2019
You gone away too, fat boy, fat boy, wait until tomorrow`
Dude. If you're excited about NBA free agency, then... congratulations?
E.O.S. End of Story.
There are like 4 guys that matter in the NBA? Ok.
Better think about that for 4 seconds.
You do drugs Danny?
Yeah.
So, what's the problem?
If I need to tell you what that's from then I'm initiating you to the OLD CLUB. You're welcome (Caddyshack).
I'm like level 6 Carl Spackler, I make shit like this up all the time. Usually my kids, my uncles, my brothers, my family. And after 3 drinks, anyone I know. Maybe I'm a level or 2 up but never really on demand. My dream is to do this for real but since you were asking--- it's the Dalai Lama speech:
..
It appears Kareem Hunt needs a full-time nanny since he can't get along with his own friends at a bar, supposedly. Smartly, Cleveland (Browns Fans) Police were heard audibly saying "I saw him push you". Which. Honestly, I'm proud of. Communities need to learn how to be less divisive in this current INSTAGRAM-CLIMATE of hooray for me and effffff everyone else. Just being honest.
In fact, what I heard is that Kareem was out having ice cream, not even drinking, he just wanted to go somewhere with his cousin after dinner and they were just 'funnin" around and because they're just such big dudes people had no idea they were just talking about raasslin!
It happens among friends all the time in Ohio. It's a gregarious state full of people still pent up with enthusiasm since the weather just finally broke for the springtime and summer.
Local professor, Dr. Phil Freely, who has written countless journal articles and books on the subject commented, "It's quite natural for Ohio males to engage in physical conduct early on in the summer or springtime having been indoors for great amounts of time. It's a biological phenomenon that goes back ages in our region and is actually, incredibly normal! We have been studying this for decades as it relates to our immigration patterns and seasonality. It's all pretty normal behavior but we are fascinated by it and want to understand it better so we're attempting to quantify how it has made us such a unique subculture, and how it even played a part in saving the United States during the Civil War since so many from our region were actually on both sides of that divide. We'll probably never get to the bottom of it, but like I said, it's fascinating. What are you, surprised, guys get a little loud in a bar?"
With that under consideration, it seems illogical any sort of formal conclusion will be made regarding the Hunt situation. Move along folks.
E.O.S. End of Story.
There are like 4 guys that matter in the NBA? Ok.
Better think about that for 4 seconds.
You do drugs Danny?
Yeah.
So, what's the problem?
If I need to tell you what that's from then I'm initiating you to the OLD CLUB. You're welcome (Caddyshack).
I'm like level 6 Carl Spackler, I make shit like this up all the time. Usually my kids, my uncles, my brothers, my family. And after 3 drinks, anyone I know. Maybe I'm a level or 2 up but never really on demand. My dream is to do this for real but since you were asking--- it's the Dalai Lama speech:
It appears Kareem Hunt needs a full-time nanny since he can't get along with his own friends at a bar, supposedly. Smartly, Cleveland (Browns Fans) Police were heard audibly saying "I saw him push you". Which. Honestly, I'm proud of. Communities need to learn how to be less divisive in this current INSTAGRAM-CLIMATE of hooray for me and effffff everyone else. Just being honest.
In fact, what I heard is that Kareem was out having ice cream, not even drinking, he just wanted to go somewhere with his cousin after dinner and they were just 'funnin" around and because they're just such big dudes people had no idea they were just talking about raasslin!
It happens among friends all the time in Ohio. It's a gregarious state full of people still pent up with enthusiasm since the weather just finally broke for the springtime and summer.
Local professor, Dr. Phil Freely, who has written countless journal articles and books on the subject commented, "It's quite natural for Ohio males to engage in physical conduct early on in the summer or springtime having been indoors for great amounts of time. It's a biological phenomenon that goes back ages in our region and is actually, incredibly normal! We have been studying this for decades as it relates to our immigration patterns and seasonality. It's all pretty normal behavior but we are fascinated by it and want to understand it better so we're attempting to quantify how it has made us such a unique subculture, and how it even played a part in saving the United States during the Civil War since so many from our region were actually on both sides of that divide. We'll probably never get to the bottom of it, but like I said, it's fascinating. What are you, surprised, guys get a little loud in a bar?"
With that under consideration, it seems illogical any sort of formal conclusion will be made regarding the Hunt situation. Move along folks.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Mishmash and Jargon for Dorks
What if chicks were as into guys' bodies as unabashedly as men seem to lurk and linger over women with no known personality traits. A girl posts some sexy pictures on instagram and the next thing you know she has millions of likes and still no personality but I'm supposed to believe that will be overlooked for infinity? Yeah, I guess so. Imagine if Hollywoodtuna.com had dudes instead of women linkage?
Yeah, probably wouldn't work.
But as a genxer I am pretty embarrassed to watch them all wiggle around (especially, in front of anyone). More men probably go look at men posting muscles and stuff anyway. It's all silly.
Anyway, we have sports to entertain us the whole year.
There are tons of sports people to goad athletes into saying the dumbest things.
PFT leads in with some player saying his team is like the ex-girlfriend that broke up with you???
I guess we can't expect Sartre and existentialism relating to sports.
Teddy Ginn didn't race in the race he thought up. The rumor that is whirling is that Ted Sr. wasn't all that pleased with his son risking 2.5 million and injuring himself. I guess when he eventually retires he can go for it but did anybody even know about this $39.95 pay per view event?
Did you see that ludicrous display last night???
There needs to be an actual site that can help people bluff their way to normalcy when it comes to sports full-on with jargon and pronunciation guides.
Yeah, probably wouldn't work.
But as a genxer I am pretty embarrassed to watch them all wiggle around (especially, in front of anyone). More men probably go look at men posting muscles and stuff anyway. It's all silly.
Anyway, we have sports to entertain us the whole year.
There are tons of sports people to goad athletes into saying the dumbest things.
PFT leads in with some player saying his team is like the ex-girlfriend that broke up with you???
I guess we can't expect Sartre and existentialism relating to sports.
Teddy Ginn didn't race in the race he thought up. The rumor that is whirling is that Ted Sr. wasn't all that pleased with his son risking 2.5 million and injuring himself. I guess when he eventually retires he can go for it but did anybody even know about this $39.95 pay per view event?
Did you see that ludicrous display last night???
There needs to be an actual site that can help people bluff their way to normalcy when it comes to sports full-on with jargon and pronunciation guides.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Hey, wha tha faaa
After 8 years in retirement, why not a sudden burst in stupidity?
There was this Dutch guy that played soccer who supposedly danced and peed on a car in Utrecht.
Who hasn't done that? If you've ever been to Utrecht there's not much happening besides getting stoned to the bejeezus, drunk and dancing on old people's cars. Been there. Done that. Who knew that all you have to do in Holland is send flowers when you damage someone's personal property?
Wesley Shneiegaefgaerf something
Profootballtalk.com reports Cam Newton will not be throwing like Uncle Rico any more.
Uhmm. You don't fix your throwing motion. It's not a golf swing. When you swing a golf club you have all day to think about it before you go ahead and do it. When you're playing QB you have 1.7 seconds to not think about your THROWING MOTION!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry. The only way that enormous windup gets fixed is if he practices morning, noon and night under duress and nobody every does that. Now. He could go down to Home Depot right around the corner here and pick up a pickup truck full of migrant laborers right here in South Florida and instead of having them dig, paint, plant, hammer, have a bunch of pygmy men from the Amazon region try and get a hand in his face. That would be 7 million Youtube.com hits right there. That is #genius.
Eli Manning is hilarious.
Says, Giants will be better without Odell. Sort of reminds my of my really bizarre and insane childhood in some Ohio backwaters where I'm sure my grandparents had a few neighbor kids that were not permitted to leave their yard or their rope swing and one of them was really just... off. Insane. That one was Eli. Go ahead. GO to the link and watch grown men talk about men in tights that wear helmets on their heads.
Oh yeah.. The Giants fans are in full throat:
"They won 4 straight without him. Brady wins with no one...."
Really? Gronk and Julien suck? I'm pretty sure Showtime just ran a Julien documentary where they really focused on how amazing he is. Remember, boys and girls. White guys at any skill position other than QB are "overachievers". It's that reverse-racism thing, where it's okay to be a racist as long as it's against WHITEY! (damn, I just hurt my own feelings! There will be no alcohol in this house being drunk for a penalty of.... 1 minute)
Here's a good one.. .just stop reading after the first sanctimonious sentence:
"THE LOCKER ROOM IS VERY IMPORTANT." Done. Can't read any more than that. Who writes a novel in a post and start so shrilly.
Here's a well-reasoned and brief reply by Exley12
"I don’t think Barkley is going to have as good of stats without the outside threat of Odell"
Seems like logic...
Anyway, why go on? Comments all suck us in because they bring out our emotional pigments in varying degrees, don't they?
(who the faa? emotional pigmentation? is that a thing? (it is now) (faaa)) I'm pent up from my language side and have been holding it in like a virgin Madonna far too long, I'm 5 minutes into this post...
PFT is a wealth of crazy headlines as RG3 says Ravens Offense will Shock some People!!! What would shock me is RG3 having any relevance to any discussion whatsoever. (it is the slow summer news cycle). Poor Chris Simms doesn't seem bought in as I watch him search for words with his top button buttoned and no tie on. WTF? I don't get that but people I love do it, so go on feeling choked by a really weak midget (credit: Mitch Hedberg)
Time out for Alcohol..... (DRINK)
Wow, it's amazing how your ear gets cleared out when you take a drink and it was a little clogged full of some shit. I Take saunas and steams all the time. So bad that my ears are so fucked. I had about 3 or 4 ear infections and it was from really just not rinsing out so well after my many years of steaming and saunas. The curse is I'm probably going to die soon and the blessing is I'm 20 pounds lighter than I would be without that lazy exercise in sweat. The real blessing would be death because of a 2 million dollar life insurance policy but we all know about the suicide clause so you gotta roll under a bridge with a TV crew behind you at about 80 like Aubrey McClendon for them to collect. That dude had balls.
I used to make up fake news in sports but these days You can't make most of this shit up. Ricky Williams was the best. Just a treasure trove of solid excuse making I could make for him. I mean there's Josh Gordon now but you have to sink to 3rd grade logic to begin to explain away his constant ability to self-sabotage. I mean, I'm pretty sure my 3 year old follows instructions with more vigor and less need for adderall.
Beer
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